


I'm lost (and it kills me inside)

by ignitethestars



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Coda, Emotional Hurt, Fitz needs to be hugged and kept away from all robots, Framework Trauma, Gen, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 20:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10816134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitethestars/pseuds/ignitethestars
Summary: Coda fic for 4x20. Contains spoilers for the episode.Fitz reels from the things he's done in the Framework, while trying to figure out what A.I.D.A wants with him.





	I'm lost (and it kills me inside)

**Author's Note:**

> So who else enjoyed that episode? Because I'm pretty sure I, too, am dead inside. My child just can't catch a break, god. This fic could contain some triggering content, as it references the dub/con relationship of Fitz/Aida + Fitz's guilt and trauma following everything "Darth Fitz" did in the Framework. It honestly kills me to see Fitz in a storyline like this and I've never wanted to hug a fictional character more, guys. It hurts so much.
> 
> Also: the title of the fict is from NF's "paralyzed" which is a truly heartbreaking and fitting song for Fitz this season.

“Leopold, you look unhappy.”

 

Fitz looked up to see Ophelia ( _ A.I.D.A,  _ he reminded himself firmly) staring at him with a curious tilt of the head and wide eyes filled with concern. It amazed him how real she looked and felt (the heartbeat he had felt when she placed his hand on her chest still echoed in his ears), but the concern felt as fake as the smile he bore whenever she looked at him.

 

“‘M fine, really.” Fitz answered, praying that his smile didn’t waver. Each time her eyes skimmed over him, he felt the desperate need to be in a shower, using a scrubber to tear off the very essence of her presence. 

 

He wished he could be put through T.A.H.I.T.I just so he could forget the things that had happened in the Framework (Mace, Agnes, torturing Daisy, shooting Jemma-- _ Jemma,  _ for god’s sake), but he deserved to suffer through the hell of remembering. After everything he’d done, he deserved some form of punishment.

 

A.I.D.A. bent down in front of him, studying him, “Are you not...are you not glad the machine worked?”

 

_ Just play along, Fitz. Humor her until the team gets here,  _ Fitz thought to himself. Fighting the bile rising in his throat, Fitz took A.I.D.A’s hand in his. Her hand was warm, like a human hand, but it still felt wrong. So wrong, in fact, that it took all he had not to instantly withdraw his hand.

 

“I’m thrilled, Ophelia,” Fitz replied, his voice wavering a bit. He prayed A.I.D.A would think it was from the disuse. “Really, I am. I’m just...adjusting to being back here.”

 

“I expected there to be aftereffects from your time in the Framework,” A.I.D.A. replied matter-of-factly, standing back up. “Your fixed regret was more complex than any of the others’.”

 

“M-my father, you mean?” Fitz croaked, thinking of the new memories that swirled in his head; things that never happened, but the stings of the blows (verbal and otherwise) Alistair Fitz had given him in the other reality felt just as real as the broken arm he gave Fitz in the second grade here in this reality.

 

“Your father, joining S.H.I.E.L.D…” A.I.D.A replied easily. Fitz stared up at her in shock at her sudden revelation. It wasn’t a regret he had ever fully thought about...sure, there had been a few times when he thought about how much easier his life would’ve been without S.H.I.E.L.D. in his life, but if he hadn’t joined, he wouldn’t have met Jemma. And that made it all worthwhile.

 

A.I.D.A gave him a complacent half-smile, “It’s okay to admit it, Leopold. S.H.I.E.L.D. has taken everything from you at some point or another. How many times have you been hurt in the line of duty? How many friends have you lost? How many could you lose?”

 

Fitz pressed his lips together trying to fight the urge to snap back at her. She was either testing him, to see if he was still loyal to her, or she was giving him a barely veiled threat against his friends. 

 

Of course, he’d already done pretty well in the department of hurting those closest to him.

 

“What do you want me for, Ophelia? And don’t say...don’t say that you wanted  _ me _ , because we both know that’s a lie. You want me for my mind not...not for the other thing.” Fitz replied, trying to ignore the haunting images that crept into his mind’s eye, of the feel of her lips against his (which had been all take and pull, there had been nothing but coldness and necessity behind the warm smiles she gave him). 

 

“I want you to build me a machine to make this world mine.” 

 

Fitz stood up slowly, his mind and heart racing. What the hell did she have planned? He pulled his face into a neutral expression and said in a quiet, cold voice filled with as much determination that he could muster, “When do I start?”

 

As a beaming smile spread across A.I.D.A’s features, Fitz clung onto the hope that the team would find him. As the former android dragged him away, Fitz screamed silently to the universe:

 

_ Please find me, Jemma. Please. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please comment if you're comfortable with it, I would love to hear feedback! If you would like to see more aos fics from me, feel free to drop me a line at Tumblr! I'm leopoldsjemmas there and I'm totally willing to take prompts (it may take me some time because of time constraints).


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